Please Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.
When it comes to cultural differences, handle the big issues first. The small stuff will sort itself out after that. Sort of like life.
I just got off the phone with a client who wanted me to deliver a conference keynote on working with a particularly large country in Asia.
“Our teams need to know how to manage the cultural differences. Every day they encounter them, so if you can run through the list of important things they need to know in about forty-five minutes, that would be great.”
Of course I can do this. It’s my job. And, if all my years of doing this work are any indication, it will be an exciting, incredibly interesting, fun and informative keynote. Attendees will walk away with important new information about how to work more effectively in this country, which is what the client wants and, yes, very much needs. What they don’t know is that the really important work, the “big” work, is only just beginning.
Big issues are big because, well, they’re hard. Complicated. Difficult to figure out. So much easier to learn an etiquette rule (three “air kisses” in the Netherlands please), or a taboo (never flash the “OK” sign in Brazil), and you can kind of believe you’re learning what you need to know about another culture. So much harder to figure out best strategy for negotiating in China, how to manage conflict in Dubai, how to unify a team in Greece. Understanding etiquette, “do’s and dont’s”, and “the rules” is basically inconsequential (as in, if you don’t, your mistakes won’t really have much consequence), but understanding how to leverage different cultural perspectives in order to accelerate success is very consequential…at least in global business.
So there are levels and levels to this cultural stuff. Starting out with learning about the differences and making lists of “do’s and dont’s” is fine, but it is just the outer layer of the onion. It’s the easiest to peel away, it doesn’t cause too much pain, it’s basically where you have to start (like in the keynote I’ll hopefully get to do for my client), and if it does anything, it reveals the substantial layers that still need to be peeled away below. It requires very little heavy lifting of the type real cultural work demands: a willingness and ability to manage the impact one’s own cultural behaviors and perspectives have on another culture. This is hard work because fundamentally it requires us to de-construct our own cultural selves.
“Huh? Self-reflection? Ooh, this feels hard. Wait a minute, I thought I was supposed to be learning about some other culture, and now you’re telling me the more important part is to learn about my own culture?”
Yes, at least at first, how your culture makes you who you are, including your own attitudes, feelings and beliefs about how to interact with different cultures. What stereotypes, prejudices, and privileges do you bring to the table when you work with another culture? Now we’re getting into the onion. No matter what you learn about another culture, if you don’t understand the culture you’re bringing to the table by being there yourself, you’ll never be able to figure out what to do with what you’ve learned. Or think of this the other way around: once you know about your own cultural self, you become empowered to make choices around who you really are, and how you want to be, in order to be more effective with others who are different from you. You can keep those old stereotypes, hang on to your ascribed privileges, lay into those comfortable old behaviors, or you can evaluate how you need to change in order to be more effective with another culture. And maybe even consider “trying on” some of those different perspectives and behaviors you’re learning from the culture you are working with.
Which takes us to the next level: after you’ve learned enough about your own cultural self, you’ve got the power to “style shift” from “your way” to “their way”, more or less. But can you do so authentically? And more importantly, should you? By choosing new behaviors, some of which may come from the culture you are working with, is your authentic self suddenly at risk? You know, the one that’s gotten you through most of the days of your life OK so far? Does becoming aware of expanded perspectives threaten your fundamental identity? Oh, right, that’s what life is all about, isn’t it? Finding that balance between who you are and how that all might change when you learn something new. Welcome to the global journey. Sort of like life’s journey, only in a bigger world. Now you’re deep into the onion. Good for you. I never said it was going to be easy (except for that easy part at the beginning).
Now for some good news: you don’t have to do this. You can choose to walk away, stay with the easy stuff, or turn your back on the cultural journey all together. In fact, at this deeper level, some cultures make it very easy - or should - for you to walk away, for at some point in your global journeys, you will encounter cultural behaviors and perspectives that you not only will not understand, but which you cannot - and should not - participate in. The fact is, the world is a very big place, and cultures, like all things in life, can present ethical and moral challenges. Cultural relativism - the idea that different behaviors, values and perspectives, as long as they are grounded in culture, need to be valued - is a dangerous proposition. There are many things that many cultures do, and historically have done, that can range from the grotesquely reprehensible and overtly inhumane to the merely morally questionable, and any effort to relativize these as merely unpleasant differences in culture that need to be accepted without considering the moral and ethical challenges they present is equally morally and ethically corrupt. Is doing business in a country that condones the cultural tradition of genital mutilation in girls ethical? Would it have been acceptable in the 1930s for your company to have done business in Nazi Germany? Or the 1950’s to have done business with apartheid South Africa? Should my company be doing business with a company or in a country that manufactures and sells weapons of mass destruction to its own citizens? There are ethical and moral decisions we, as individuals, need to make every day, and if you’re in the business of working globally, you will also be faced with even more of these kinds of decisions, and the last thing you should ever do is use culture as a justification for doing something you know you shouldn’t do.
Like I said, this is the big stuff. This is the cultural stuff that you - or your company - need to sweat. In a perfect world, we should lie awake for a few nights working this level out first, then move on to doing the hard work of understanding ourselves. At that point, we should be ready for the easy (and fun!) part of working with cultural differences: learning about how someone else sees their world (and us in it!). And, of course, let’s kick this off with a great keynote at your next conference!
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